It Didn't Start With You
My new favourite read by Mark Wolynn explores how trauma from previous generations shapes who we are and also looks at how to break the cycle. As a Counsellor, it intrigued me to read that when we locate the 'source of our generational trauma', and its ghosts, the Psychiatrist Norman Doidge says, these ghosts can 'go from haunting us to becoming simply part of our history'. This is so relevant within my own family, a Sister who died even as a baby, their presence is still felt within the family system. So often I have observed this pattern of grief from the tragic loss of a child, how the whole family is impacted from the fallout of unacknowledged grief and sadness.
Anyone familiar with the well publicised research from Rachel Yehuda will have read with interest how the grandchildren of holocaust victims have had nightmares. Quite clearly, I have witnessed in sessions with clients that when there is a link made between their own fears and traumas of their ancestors, there is as Mark Wolynn says; 'new possibilities for resolution'.
In all of the work that I have done, within both workshops and individual client sessions, there is so often this reoccurring theme of 'i did not feel loved'. When we then explore their early family experiences there has been loss. It is not easy to mirror loving compassion back to a child with a heart broken with grief. The child is cared for and the home neat and tidy but what is missing is the feeling, that visceral touch and the far deeper awareness of being really loved. It is intangible, as it is a felt sense, but what is demonstrated time and time again is that the child knows when it is missing.
Moving on from this childhood experience myself has been a long journey but a delightful one that has led me to a deep love of poetry, music and movement. From Adlerian family constellation systems to Matrix Reimprinting, it has been necessary to meet my own missing developmental experiences and to learn to love myself. This journey spanning 50 years has led me to make some very exciting discoveries which I look forward to sharing in this blog!